Getting Personal

Over the last couple of months I have had an almost spiritual crisis that I'd like to share with you, in the hope that others going through the same thing might find it helpful.  This is another post for the artists, rather than the readers.

Putting things in perspective is always hard.  I can't remember which popular (million subscribers plus) Youtuber said that if PewDiePie dropped to his level of subscriptions he'd probably throw himself off a bridge.  This Youtuber's point was that, while he's pretty successful, PewDiePie is vastly more so, and a significant dip always feels awful.

I got a serious kick in the junk recently, which is that my agent has stopped representing YA and Mid-grade fiction.  I've found myself creatively moving more and more towards that age group.  For me, fiction is about change, and those years are the time in which people define themselves most--a time of tremendous upheaval.

I then had some thinking to do.

Step One:  Wallow in despair.  Check.

Step Two:  Decide what I want to write next.  This one has taken a long, long time. 

I used to love adult fantasy, and adult science fiction.  But it's rarely the modern authors that appeal to me.  There are some greats, but my tastes tend elsewhere.  In science fiction, it's towards the human stories of the 1960s.  In fantasy, it's the highly experimental, strongly themed stories of the 30s.

I've done a lot of thinking about this.  I've asked myself exactly what I like about the genres.  I might only write one fantasy and one scifi in my life, and I want each to embody the potential I see in the genre.  This doesn't mean I'm saying it will be brilliant.  It will just be exactly what I have to say.

I've almost cracked it for a fantasy book.  Maybe it's not everything I'll have to say.  Maybe writing one will make me rediscover my love for the genre.  All I know is that it's something I'm compelled to do for professional reasons.

I could just write the mid-grade idea that's bouncing in my head.  Honestly I'd love to do that, and on my study wall, right smack above the computer screen, I have this:


(Different pic but same quote.)

I'd find a new agent eventually, and I'd find a home for my midgrade stuff.  I have an agent referral.  I have a popular blog (thanks!).  I have my youth and my health.  I know my past self would have figuratively killed to be in my position now.  But a step back is a step back.  I don't believe I can justify deliberately letting it happen.  Not when I think I might actually enjoy writing an adult book once I get into the swing of it.

So expect some posts about adult fantasy and what I love about it in the near future.

As always, hail Cthulu,

Luke